The other day at work, a childcare centre had booked a cinema for an excursion for the kids. All of the children were wearing tiny hi-vis vests so they wouldn’t get lost, and they were all very noisy but clearly very excited. While I was watching them being chauffeured into their cinema, I felt the very embarrassing threat of tears. I started to think about how I used to be that small, and life was nothing bigger than going to school and playing with my friends. I didn’t realise at the time that I was enjoying the fleeting bubble of childhood, and now I feel constantly as though my life is slipping through my fingers before I can grasp it.
In reality, I’ve only just turned 21 and life is just beginning. But I’m not finding it fun and exciting like I know I should, but rather quite terrifying. It’s dramatic, I know, but I have a strange sense of grieving my youth, of which I am very much still in. And reminding myself that I have nothing to worry about, I'm only 21, doesn't always help.
So many people my age are travelling overseas, graduating university, pursuing careers, getting engaged, some even have babies. It's such a confusing age. I look around desperately to find someone else whose life appears to be similar enough to mine to make myself feel better, but what I find is people having either more fun or more success than I am.
If I think about it, there is nothing wrong with people having more fun and success than me. Why shouldn't they? Just because I sometimes feel sad and miserable doesn't mean that other people should. I have to remind myself that my life is where it is because so far, this is what I've chosen for myself. I chose to wait a few years after high school to start uni, I've chosen not to do much travelling just yet, I don't want to be engaged and I definitely don't want to have a baby right now.
So, what's wrong? Nothing! The only thing that's wrong is that a lot of us feel we are competing with our fellow twenty-somethings. Constantly comparing, constantly trying to be better than each other. Comparison is the thief of joy. We've all heard it before, but it remains true. There are no rules to life, and there is no right or wrong way to live it. We should try to make our lives what we want them to be, without wondering if we're still behind, or why other people seem to be doing better than us.
I know this feeling isn't exclusive to my twenties, and I know it's going to be a personal battle for a long time. But I remind myself that, in the grand scheme of things, nothing matters. As long as I am happy and content with my life, then everything is okay.
