Friendship break-ups suck. No matter whether it was a mutual break-up or World War III, it hurts.
I have recently gone through a few myself, and even though enough time has passed that I should be over all of them, I find myself thinking about them constantly. And I wonder why, why can't I let it go?
Social media has had a huge hand in preventing us from trying to get over a number of things. When something is going wrong in our lives, everyone on the internet is somehow doing much better, including our ex-friends. It's certainly not easy, and removing ourselves from social media isn't something the vast majority of us are open to. And you may be thinking, why don't I just block them and move on?
Well I've asked myself the same thing, but there is some self-sabotaging part of myself that doesn't want to. This part of me wants to keep seeing what they're up to. Unfortunately, what they're up to seems to be having more fun without me.
The truth is, they probably are. In my experience, the friendship was past due to end, but for a long while neither party was willing to acknowledge it. Which meant conversations stopped going past small talk, and hangouts became few and far between, with a new element of awkwardness.
I think the thing that makes it so hard to let go, is that I still can't figure out what went wrong. I am not perfect, and I know I had room to be a better friend than I was being at the time. But the ever-growing distance between us apparently wasn't something any of them wanted to rectify. They had so clearly moved on without me, and I was the only one who hadn't realised I was no longer part of the group.
To realise they no longer considered me their friend was a bitter pill to swallow, however it was very needed. Losing friendships, while painful, can be a sign of growth. Sometimes certain friends really are only with us for a season, and that is bittersweet. A lot of my life has changed, and as much as it makes me sad to say it, I just don't really have a place in my life for those friendships anymore. And I know the same is true for them, and that makes me feel a bit better.
I know we were there during a period of time when we all needed each other. But now they have each other, and I have my life-long friends who will always be there for me. That's how I know my old friends are okay and happy, and it's how I know that I am going to be okay. Everyone knows that not every friendship is built to last, but accepting it is a whole other thing. It's difficult. But after writing this, I will mute my old friends' Instagrams and allow them to be happy, while allowing myself to move on. I know that after some time, I will be able to look back on the friendship fondly, without any of the hurt or bitterness in my heart.
